Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again
by listeningtothestorm
Summary: River never gets to say goodbye. 11th Doctor x River AU, warning for character death and first time writing of Doctor Who related things. Review please if you liked or hated it : song from Phantom of the Opera


_You were once my one companion_

_You were all that mattered_

The stars shone brightly against the dull red sky that seemed to be almost pressing down against the large ornate windows of the bright hospital room. River shut her eyes, the darkness of the room an offensive blood red against her tired eyelids. The various machines around the room beeped alternately, intent on sounding useful in the silence of the largely empty ward.

_Then my world was shattered_

But even they would not be tired for long. This hospital would cure that, as they were sure they could cure every damn thing that was wrong with her. Her twice broken pelvis, a nasty forehead gash from a falling piece of spaceship, the very painful fractured jaw and swollen throat that had gotten on the wrong side of a nasty looking alien's leather boot.

_Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed_

_Somehow you would be here_

Well. Not quite everything. Not the dreams. It had only been three nights but it was not looking promising for the future really.

_Wishing I could hear your voice again_

_Knowing that I never would_

They had been exactly the same so far. An exact play-by-play, as it were. Shouting, hiding, running - always with the running - and never quite getting there in time. Just short. But, always, just enough time to turn and see him look up and smile sadly before stepping backwards, eyes shut in resignation, arms thrown out as if embracing the never-ending crack in time that awaited behind. Collapsing as it slammed shut over his infuriating face that could be sleeping. The earth falling away in all directions as the crack stopped racing towards her and began to retreat. River opened her eyes, a vague wish in the back of her head to see a dull and cloudy blue sky outside for once.

_Dreaming of you helped me to do_

_All that you dreamed I could_

Trying to imagine a future without him was unattainable at the moment. Instead, River found herself dwelling on what her life would have been with less involvement from the ever interfering man. As it were, she concluded, she literally would not exist. Certainly if she existed in any form, it would not be as a time-travelling Graduate Doctor of Archaeology from a far-flung space academy who could handle a WWII rifle as easily as the controls of a 56th Century Sontaran battle ship. A small figure at the opposite end of the ward broke into a coughing fit, holding handkerchiefs to several of it's many mouths.

_Passing bells and sculpted angels, cold and monumental_

_Seem for you the wrong companion, you were warm and gentle_

Of course there would not be a body to bury or burn. For the best really - having to do it once, even while knowing it was not real, was once too many. But something would have to be done. Not for the sake of informing people of his death, or remembrance; his presence was far too entwined within the very fabric of the universe to ever be wiped clean. Perhaps on Earth. It seemed fitting that the place that had caused him so much trouble in the past should be the place to pay tribute to him. So many friends there to help, so many who would have felt the shiver of the universe as the final crack of the universe snapped shut at such a terrible cost.

_Teach me to live_

_Give me the strength to try_

_Help me say goodbye  
><em>

River sighed as room grew quiet again, horribly still. She never did like hospitals, no matter how fancy they tried to be. Bad memories naturally attached themselves to people in white coats who kept telling her that everything was going to be ok. What a ridiculous expression, she thought wearily, suddenly feeling more tired than she had ever remembered feeling before. But no matter how repellent the hospital was, it was still a hiding place, cowering away from the reality that would have to be faced sooner or later. She closed her eyes, squeezing tightly against the images that flashed up immediately, willing herself not to give in and break down. That would only mean more drugs and pity and god only knows what else from the people who ran this place.

Just one image would not fade - burned into the backs of her eyelids in a way that would never fade. The most important one. His face - smiling, with eyes older than the planet they stood on, the stars twinkling in them as genuine and ancient as the millions that shone down around them. Mouthing words lost in the roar of noise that she would never, ever be able to return in time. Saying goodbye.

_Help me say goodbye._

* * *

><p>(Hello there. Long time DW fan, first time writer, so be as nice as you can find it in you to be please. I am very aware this probably would not be 'possible' in the storyline as it stands, which is why it's tentatively marked AU, but thinking about these two gives me a headache no matter what universe they're in, so shush and enjoy. Song is 'Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again' from Phantom of the Opera if you fancy listening to it while reading. I own nothing except the ability to depress myself and others.)<p> 


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